maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
