I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
