I heard we made out
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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