OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
