So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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