so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
vagina is talking i cant
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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