I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
