I'm drive I can fine osifer
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just google imaged poop.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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