this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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