I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
third nipple confirmed
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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