Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
