Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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