He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
