Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
