i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
