OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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