Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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