just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
