So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
