gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
no you cant smoke seaweed
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
third nipple confirmed
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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