Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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