I am puke
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Enjoy the penises
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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