Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
