I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
