Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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