I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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