I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think my vagina is haunted
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
it's like iHOP with fire
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
