oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
