i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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