I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
