You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
