Even the bartender felt bad for me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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