He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize