apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
