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• (443): View more from Maryland

  There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.

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• (209): View more from California

  just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?

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• (916): View more from California

  Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.

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• (682): View more from Texas

  She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.

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• (631): View more from New York

  He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.

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