You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
