East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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