Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
