someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
