i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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