Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
