i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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