I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize