Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
