I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize