I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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