Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
