My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Holy sore nipples Batman
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
