Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize