You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So squirting runs in the family.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize