I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
