First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
not ubering you a puppy
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
