I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
