Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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