I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
