I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
