it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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