Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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