Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
