You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
