Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
