you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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