Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
