Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
