A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
