yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
They have beer where we have blood.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize