I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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