I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
