if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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