i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
